Will the real Kethi Kilonzo please stand up!
Political scientists have discovered a shocking revelation that there is someone masquerading with fake documentation that she’s actually Kethi Kilonzo.
The scientists from the Happy People’s Ruling Organisation (or njumbiree) found the remains of the real Kethi deep in the ruins of Turkana.
According to the leader of the team Angel Teinde the discovery will lead to the shocking changes in the ruling class in the world.
“We discovered that what we previously thought was a special find in the hills of Makune was actually a fraud.” Said Angel Teinde.
The Kethi Kilonzo History
Sometime last month after some strange deaths on the way to Makune, some scientists from The Cleaning Crew Organisation (or waiba) proclaimed that they had discovered the original Kethi. In the folklore of the people of Makune, Kethi was known as the standard by which all women of Makune were judged by.
According to the leader of waiba, Mr. Ndiola “I am a very happy man, very happy. In fact I’m asking God to forgive me for being so happy. Makune people are not supposed to be this happy, I tell you.”
Men from all over the country were brought in to confirm and verify the existence of the true Kethi. Led by a team of I Expect But Can’t bother myself with computers (IEBC) members, they came in their numbers to inspect the Kethi discovery.
Some in Makune, led by Ms Angel Teinde started murmuring that Kethi looked more like Cathy Ndinda. “I have known Cathy since she was a child. I even tried to get her a job at njumbiree. This Kethi looks just like Cathy.”
Nduku vs Kethi Kilonzo on Twirra
The country was mesmerized by this time and it didn’t take long before someone claiming to be the mother of Cathy Ndinda showed up. In the true Kenyan style the one claiming to be Kethi went on the national gossip station, Kethi Kilonzo on on Tweeter had this to say
A child does not compete with the mother. It is a curse. I will not support Jubilee. To stand with my father's enemies is a worse curse.
— Kethi D. Kilonzo (@finclegal) June 11, 2013
Nduku after consulting with the leader of women in Makune, Ms Foundation Lingu, decided not to follow up on the matter. This is even after Ms Lingu had asked her to “tell them” on national TV. The talk of curses in Makune is not taken lightly.
And with that show of genuine papers on Twirra, IEBC had to accept that it wasn’t Cathy Ndinda but actually Diana Kethi Kilonzo who had shown up.
“Listen, people of Kenya. I have inspected the paperwork brought by Kethi. It is fake. All her Identification documents are HANDWRITTEN photocopies of the original which was created before her father was born. In fact, I’m so sure that it is fake, I’m going to investigate myself, become my own lawyer, my own witness, my own judge. Trust me when I tell you. I’m not insane. I have done this before and everyone was happy. Ask Raila”
And with that, another chapter in the history of Kethi Kilonzo was written.
I am Kethi and Kethi is Me
Ms Angel Teinde decided that since the IEBC would not listen to her reasoning, then she would take the case to the higher power, IEBC.
In what was to turn out to be the best rated TV show in Kenya’s history, the IEBC overturned the IEBC ruling.
“We have discovered that Kethi is fake and is actually Cathy Ndinda. The identification documents used to prove her existence are actually fake. We find the IEBC guilty of issuing fake documents, which the IEBC said were real, which the IEBC investigated and found were fake, then real, then fake, then real, then fake….you get the drift. We the IEBC order the IEBC to investigate IEBC officials, who may have colluded with non-IEBC officials, to issue fake or real IEBC documents.”
The ratings of the TV show were higher than the “who shot JR episode”. The question that people were asking was “who is IEBC”.
The answer soon came from the Waiba leader: “DNA is IEBC and IEBC is DNA”
To which Njumbiree shot back: “ nkt, Cathy is not even educated, she has no masters degree”
Waiba then answered: “ DNA is UON and UON is DNA”
Njumbiree then answered: “ Kethi Kilonzo’s birth certificate was fraudulently obtained”
Waiba: “ I’m angry, very angry, God help me”
Njumbiree: “ It was Viagra not poison”
Crickets
There you have it
DNA is IEBC is UON while Cathy Kilonzo is Kethi Kilonzo. Only in Kenya.
Share and Enjoy
• Facebook • Twitter • Delicious • LinkedIn • StumbleUpon • Add to favorites • Email • RSS
The post Kethi Kilonzo Biography Shows that she’s Actually Cathy Ndinda Kilonzo appeared first on Msema Kweli.